27 June 2010
Perfide Albion, Pérfida Albión, Perfida Albione, Perfidious Albion
But it was spectacular.
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How stupid is Americans?
26 June 2010
Oh the nasty things I'd do with this man.
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."
The witch then asks: "Doooo youuuu carrryy AAA pppinkk onnees, Tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk... aaand rrunns by bbaatteries?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do."
"Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offfff?"
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25 June 2010
Food Nazis
She likes the small Kapital brazil, and says, about the Nestle barge "Cut off from branded goods? I don't think these people are lost or have been camping out too long, they're just living their lives."
Next time I'm on the continent (and there will be a next time, if I have to steal to get ticket money) we will have to share a brew.
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22 June 2010
Makes think of WHAT
From
By Douglas Adams and John Lloyd
On the other hand, the world is littererd with thousands of spare words which spend their time doing nothing but loafing about on signposts pointing at places.
Our job, as wee see it, is to get these words dow off the signposts and into the mouths of babes and sucklings and so on, where they can start earning their keep in everyday conversation and make a more positive contribution to society.
Douglas Adams
John Lloyd
*And, indeed, in Liff.
Read and laugh a bit and if a word reminds you of someone or something in our little bloggy world, leave it in the comments
I will do a number, see if you can improve or find new ones that fit better. Please be honest and make shit up.
This: A: AASLEAGH (n.)
A liqueur made only for drinking at the end of a revoltingly long bottle party when all the drinkable drink has been drunk.
Makes me think of: B: Chatham Artillery Punch
CAP 2
A: AHENNY (adj.)
The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves
Something which justifies having a really good cry.
The massive three-course midmorning blow-out enjoyed by a dieter who has already done his or her slimming duty by having a teaspoonful of cottage cheese for breakfast.
A rabidly left-wing politician who can afford to be that way because he married a millionairess.
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20 June 2010
Assume the position please Ayla
I modern times, of course.*ROFLMAO*
And also, I might be bendy, but that's not me in the photo, akay? ;o)
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19 June 2010
Took me years to train him
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Math question of the day
Of course, wearing anything saying SQRT(ans) means you are stupid enough to pay extra for a brand name and do their advertising for a negative fee :-(
BTW e=3-SQRT(5/(7*9)) is a good approximation, e sed ;-)
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Hi Eric is Elisson thinner than here?
And does Rex know the diff's between a "fish head" and "fishing a Head"
Training and teaching, that is my lot.
And now Yabu (EOTIS) makes me a Headman over Hundred by saying "You are fucking crazy..."
SUN ZTU
"Therefore, in your deliberations, when seeking to determine the military conditions,
let them be made on the basis of a comparison, in this wise:--"
... and yeah, he's down maybe a few pounds from the photo in your collage..... he's looking good and healthy, Kees......
Eric
: Sunday, June 20, 2010 5:11:00 AM That shot of me with the shovel is an absolute classic... I suspect that's what Eric might look like if he were to take up The Game...
Eric
: Tuesday, June 22, 2010 1:17:00 AM << Home
A Gentle Man vs a Gentleman
There is a common misconception that "Male" means "Man"
Being a male only means that you have the right genitalia.
Being a man means so much more than a dick and a pair of balls.
A man does what he has to do and that makes him more of a man.
Being a gentleman helps but is not a prerequisite for being a man.
Although it pisses the feminists off a man is the physically stronger sex, and he protects his woman and children.
If someone tells you that you smell like a male, you should go and bath, however if they say that you have a manly smell about you, you can smile proudly.
Some males act like men, or think that they act like men by being callous and rough.
Acting like that does not preclude you from being a man, but it does distract from the core.
Being a man is more of an instinctive act than a calculated act.
I have been called a gentleman, but not so many times that you would notice, however I have been called a gentle man often and that makes me proud.
"A man's word" is very precious and you should protect yours as the shelf life of a damaged one is very short.
Having good manners certainly helps.
A man is not swayed by favorable surveys or account’s, he does what he has to do, regardless.
17 June 2010
From Tilly
Tilly is my cousin.
The first woman in this world that I had a crush on, after my mother.
A young Keesie type sees an advertisement for tenders to capture and relocate leopards from a farm to a reserve.
He submits his price.
He is by far the lowest and is asked to present his method statement;
I reads: I catch the leopard, I put it in the back of the van, I drive to the reserve and release it.
As he was substantially cheaper than the next tender he is appointed as the contractor, by the Farmer.
He also had an assistant with a .22 rifle and a Fox Terrier dog.
The greenies and the huggers screamed and defecated.
A day later with 6 leopards writhing in bags the screaming stops and he delivers the leopards to the conservancy.
We scream and klap (with da gloves) and he climbs higher.
Until I have chased it into da small branches.
He finally jumps down and that is where da foxterrier crabs him by da balls.
As any man, that is grabbed by da balls, he freezes and after I get out of da tree, we bag him and start again.”
“If dat leopard knocks me out of da tree he has to shoot da fox terrier.
Just in case you believe me:
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The DOF is not STUPID
He wants more peeps to ride bicycles.I can see some benefits
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The Baracks are now RICH
From my Header:
"I have lived on this continent for 50 plus years. I know a bribe when I see one."
The cartoon was stolen from Nate Beeler's 'Toons
F*CK Nanny Governments
She wrote.
"I'm not much of a risk-taker. Careening around a racetrack at three-digit speeds is just not my idea of a good time. I've never been tempted to climb Everest. To each his own. We live in a society in which people are free to be adventurers, even when the deck is stacked against them.
But kids should grow up first."
(Read her whole post, she has more to say.)
I commented.
Do not blame Abby Sunderland or her parents for the fact that you have a nanny government.
It is there, and willing to spend your (tax) money as it sees fit.
It was part of the Sunderland's decision making process.
Surely if you can use your (tax) money to raise 2 or more kids from a single mother times 50,000 (guestimate) cases, you can afford to pay for a gutsy young girls rescue.
And if the cases of government babies is wrong and it is more like 500,000, like I think, the Sunderland family comes cheap.
I am 57 this year and I have almost died at sea. A friend of mine has. Another was killed on a mountain. We took to our boats and mountains without guarantees.
I suspect Abby would have done so as well.
Further than her 200 word comment rule.
Killing yourself have, in my mind, have always been a choice you make alone.
Whether you do it by being eaten by a lion or freezing your balls in the Artic, the choice is yours.
Since we have "Sea Rescue Institute" and "Mountain Rescue Initiative" paid for by taxes, the number of stupid things that people do have increased vastly.
Smaller balls now try do what big balls did before.
I say let them die on the slopes and cliffs and waves and in caves.
We do not need their offspring.
We do not even need them.
If they survive, we should breed with them.
YOUR TAXES ARE KILLING PEOPLE, STOP PAYING NOW.
13 June 2010
Blood pressure
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Theft
Da woman
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09 June 2010
Vida - The wedding
This is what Iv'e got so far.
Vida, my dearest daughter, get your ass into gear, or I will go mad, promise. : Monday, June 21, 2010 12:18:00 PM << Home
Presidential Wordds
The oil from the Niger Delta will be available after your own well have dried up.
Muslims and Christians alike are fighting like Jews over the forbidden fruit and the terrs are profiteering in style.
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08 June 2010
What have I wrought?
writing a poem for Keesie.
My brain's just not wired
My mind's kind of tired,
And I don't want to post something sleezy.
MC
Whose poetry rhymed none to soon,
And he wrote Vogon lines
Which deserved hefty fines
& a boot round the back o'the moon!
South of the Zambezi,
There lives a hardy Boer man
The folks all call "Oom Keesie."
Now, Keesie is a soldier-man
Who fought the godless Commies
And speaks een kleintje Nederlands,
Unlike those awful Pommies.
He lives amidst the jungle dark,
Where snakes and tigers menace,
But not a single one of them's
A match for old KeesKennis.
If Jim should see a crocodile,
No need to start in screaming:
When Keesie gets his hands on it,
Its blood will soon be streaming.
But he's a friendly kind of bloke,
The kind I'd want to drink with.
Knows how to tell a filthy joke
About the holes we stink with.
Let's make a toast. I'll raise my glass
And drink to our KeesKennis -
Who kicks the mighty lion's ass
(Too bad he sucks at tennis.)
FROM A poetry contest
did let out a fart,
a stinker of poesy
he called pure art.
To his nose a blossom
it seemed soft and fair,
Considered it awesome,
his crop-dusted air.
As a beauty beheld
is a beauty apprised,
that we think it noxious
should be no surprise.
Compared to fair prof'rings
of things bright and true
Keesie's foul offering
has us turning blue.
Who liked to sip gin in the shade
When he took out his shovel
His guests all feared trouble
And shot rockets off into the glade
In the breeze
Farts sparkling wheeze
And the big cats cower
And the reptiles sneeze
When Kees, at his leishz
Farts sparkling wheeze.
Roams the jungle whenever he please
There is nothing he fears
and I'm told that he leers
at the wimmen who hide in his trees
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04 June 2010
Younger poetry I like
Basketball's my favorite sport. I dribble up and down the court. The ball goes bouncing off my toes and beans the teacher on the nose. He stumbles back and grabs his nose and hits the wall and down he goes. The other players stop and stare. They've never heard the teacher swear. With no one playing anymore. I grab the ball. I shoot. I score. I love this game! It's so much fun. The teacher cried, but, hey--we won.Young Kenn - Forgive your sqhuishy teacher and play da game - to win
You will one day pay my way, like I paid others.
03 June 2010
Mostly Cajun - And Opinions count
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights
being held in the area around
and duly dispatched the infamous detective Boudreaux to investigate.
He reported to his sergeant the next morning.
"Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin'" he began
."Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked
.Boudreaux replied confidently, "De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."
Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?"
"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat cock fight.
I knowed the Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight."
The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"
Boudreaux intoned knowingly,
"Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck."
"Ah," sighed the sergeant,
"And how did you deduce the Mafia was involved?"
"De duck won."
For luck
In French
La police d'état de la Louisiane a reçu des rapports des cockfights illégaux
étant tenus dans le secteur autour de Crowley,
et dûment expédiés le Boudreaux révélateur infâme pour étudier.
Il a fait rapport à son sergent le matin suivant.
« Dey est les groupes principaux d'arbre dans le fightin'" de robinet de dis qu'il a commencé
. « Bon travail. Qui sont-elles ? « le sergent demandé
. Boudreaux a répondu avec confiance, « De Aggies, de Cajuns, et de Mafia. »
Embarassé, le sergent a demandé, « comment vous avez trouvé cela dehors dans une nuit ? »
« Bien, » il a répondu, « je suis descendu et dat vu fait pour entasser le combat.
Je knowed l'Aggies étais impliqué quand un canard a été présenté dans le combat. «
Le sergent a incliné la tête, « j'achètera cela. Mais et les autres ? «
Boudreaux entonné sciemment,
« bien, je knowed de Cajuns étais impliqué quand pari summbody sur de duck. »
« L'ampèreheure, » sighed le sergent,
« et comment avez-vous déduit la Mafia étiez-vous impliqué ? »
« De duck gagné. »
Stolen from Phils Phun
With the French from Free Online Translator
cont 2
Where snakes and tigers menace,
But not a single one of them's
A match for old KeesKennis.
Has an advantage with me over one whose ain't
Nobody said it was easy,
writing a poem for Keesie.
My brain's just not wired
My mind's kind of tired,
And I don't want to post something sleezy.
MC
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