12 April 2010


Lobster ala Klippies and Coke

This post from the now presumably thin Phat Stu reminded me of my dire youth.

We were camping at a spring near Arniston in the Western cape.
About 2 km from the sea, close to us, there was a blow hole connected to the sea.
The rumour was that monster lobsters lived there.
Sometime during the night I volunteered to be strapped to a line and be lowered down that dark hole whilst wearing some cylinders and having a torch and a spear gun.
No logical limits were set as to depth or time.
A definitive "PULL BACK" was 3 sharp tugs.
The most reliable witness, our hired, non drinking cook, put the time to the "tug" at about 20 minutes and 45 feet.
My personal memory is more like 1 hour 20 minutes and 1 hundred and 45 feet.
Be that as it may.
I arrived unscathed at the surface with a monster lobster attached to my torso and no gun and no torch and a wetsuit full of shit.

As we were discussing were to find a big enough pot to cook that fucker some Professors from UTC arrived and convinced us that 6 cases of beer and 15 medium sized lobsters was good payment for my specimen.

The University of Cape Town (UCT) has it as an exhibit as the biggest in Cape waters.
Show me bigger.

I repeat a previous post.

Just juice - In another moment

75 ml and three cubes of ice.

That is talking and cooking with gas.

Rinse, repeat.

You're mileage may differ.
Klipdrift "Green Label" premium aged brandy.
Not for pussies and wankers, a man's drink, not French.
The aroma of the grape grabs you by the nostril and says LOUDLY, don't fuck with me and add coke, that's why we make the normal Klipdrift.
Stand back and throw away the cork, now throw back the first two tots, now you are PRIMED.
Sit down, relax and shoot the neighbourhood bully.
"Feeling good"
Take two more and smile.
Break all the glasses around, relax and smile.
4 more in quick succession and you are on top of the world.
Man this is a good drink, even straight out of the bottle it's akin to mothers milk.
Reload and shoot out the streetlamps.
As the cops come to investigate show them the crate of "Greenlabel"
As you are relaxing and drinking with the cops ask for some cases of government issue ammo to practice with later. Store the ammo away from your braai fire.
It is not advisable to send cops home with a lower ratio than 5 cops to 1 bottle of Greenlabel.
If you ignore this, the shit is on your head. I can quote you Hansard on this, just don't do it.
The last two inches of the bottle is exultingly smooth, almost sweet.
Don't rush, relax and fire up your 1000cc motorbike, smile.
Frown at anybody that questions your sensibilities.
Asshole, I said "frown", not "shoot".
Laugh, bury, repeat.
Pull out another cork ......
That is why I normally drink whisky.

.... Daddy?..... damn, I swear we have done many of the same things..... remind me to tell you about climbing up that cliff on Adak....

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