29 February 2008
From Guyk
He is of course to old to realise that this is a meme.
I might live to regret the sentence above.
.
A human being should be able to:
.
Change a diaper:
I did that and I handled or arm'd the space where my daughter shot her shit all over me.
Plan an invasion:
I did not plan it as it came from Moscow/Havana, and I only played a role in the UN-Planning of this invasion.
Butcher a hog:
Guyk does not mention a diff between peeps and animal hogs.
I have done both.
Conn a ship:
I have done Con, but Conn I have to leave to the expert Rednecks or deep water suicidals.
Design a building:
Does two seaters count?
Write a sonnet:
?????
Balance accounts:
We will see.
Build a wall:
Plenty, in stone, brick, 270 brick, lego.
Set a bone:
From the beaches of SE Asia which is diffirent to the bones I set in hospital in SA.
Comfort the dying:
Too Much.
My DAD
My Mother, I wasn't there.
My Wife, she died in my arms.
Take orders:
Too Much.
Give orders:
Not emuch.
Cooperate:
Not emuch.
Act alone:
Too Much.
Solve equations:
The equations that go, L=Q=G +W=P is easy, How many of Castro's Barn Army types do I have to kill to solve the equation.
Do those that I killed over the years add to the Solving, please say so.
Analyze a new problem:
After taking into account the peeps that are paying my salary, I have always solved the problem in a way that benefits my Bottom Line.
Pitch manure:
Why?, but I have.
Program a computer:
An anachronistic and ancient skill that is only practised by robots and the like, like nerds like Bill Gates .
Cook a tasty meal:
Wanna get laid with class?
2008
.... as it stands right now with dusk quickly approaching, Me the SWG is not gonna lay or supervise the eggs getting laid, after all the moniker SWS states very clearly, Straight White Sloth
Fight efficiently:
Wanna get laid with class?
I think I have done so, Bane's skills course might dissagree.
Die gallantly:
Who is the f58king c56t that suggested this.
I most probably won't.
Specialization is for insects:
I am Kees and I eat more insects than all my peeps:
IN OTHER NEWS:
Eric is viewing his bird feeder as food.
Elisson reaches a agreement with his Rabbi with OBSOLETE SKILLS
Rex F**ks up, as allways, except Jody saves his hide.
Dax bans me.
ForbiddenYou don't have permission to access / on this server.
Additionally, a 404 Not Found error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.
Apache/1.3.41 Server at www.daxmontana.net Port 80
HEY BIG BOY, ARE YOU SCARED?
Stu, of course, is not scared, stupid, maybe, but not scared, puts me on his sidebar, and I say,touching my forelock, thank you Sir, or is that DOCTOR 0r Herr Doktor?
Also, Guyk started it rolling, but Valorik and Grandpa had me linked allready, thanks to the DAD AND GRANDAD.
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Comments:
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I read this passage from Heinlein at my dad's funeral - never knew a man who could do so many different things so well.
Don't think his sister ever forgave me for reading from a science fiction book at such a solemn occasion.
decrepitoldfool Homepage 03.02.08 - 8:09 pm #
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Have Sex without getting (her) pregnant.
Ole Phat Stu Homepage 03.02.08 - 8:06 am #
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Thanks for the links Kees. I'm still waiting to see if they put up the picture though.
And the belly...well, it cost me a lot of money to build it...
GUYK Homepage 03.01.08 - 6:35 am #
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Thanks for adding me mate =) As always, great posts.
Dad of the Doodsters Homepage 02.29.08 - 7:18 am #
28 February 2008
Naked blogging or blogging as you were
Me: Do you know what I like better than a man in uniform?
Dan: no, what?
Me: peeling him out of it.
My second comes from Acidman.
Yeah... visit here and I let you peek in my underwear drawer.
And then we get the god.
I've only done that once or twice. For money, of course.
Velociman Homepage 08.26.07 - 4:33 pm #
BUT REMEMBER WE STILL HAVE ALL THE PEEPS ON MY BLOGGROLL TO GO or through.
Can we hope for better?
We move over to an OOLD timer that is younger than me in his mind, in other words he is just turning 24.
I just e-mailed this picture showing my big belly to People of the Gun and told them that I would be proud to be included in their photo album.
Good News is that a couple of hundred of dollars will slow down protest on both sides.
That is a very small belly, Guyk.
Throw some light
Jim didn't have anything to say yesterday so he posted this picture of his blogroom.As I couldn't see a damn thing I played with the contrast and the lighting.
That gave me the image below.
Then I zoomed in a bit and found this.
Hey Jimbo, that is good and proper reading matter.
Never a dull moment at the house by the Parkway, I would guess.
Comments:
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You just be glad, Keesy, that there is a major body of water between us....
May Karma dictate that an elephant in a rotten mood fervently impale your anus with his right tusk.
Dooshbag.
Erica Homepage 02.29.08 - 3:32 am #
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Kees,Man, that was farookin' cold, speaking of which that is how revenge is best served. JimboJim - PRS Homepage 02.29.08 - 3:22 am #
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LOL - I love it even more now!
Can't wait to see where the hair appears in the picture now that we know what the books are.
Teresa Homepage 02.29.08 - 2:06 am #
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Remind me to never get on your bad side ...
Ralphd00d Homepage 02.28.08 - 7:24 pm #
KK: We try to please. Please see Maeve in the sidebar
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ROFLMAO!!! Oh my gawd Keesie, you are SO bad!
Maeve Homepage 02.28.08 - 6:22 pm #
KK: I love showing how bad I am by being good.
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You realize, of course, you have awakened a sleeping giant and instilled in her a terrible resolve.
Erica Homepage 02.28.08 - 5:57 pm #
KK: Personally, Erica, I thought that that was a low blow, can't figure what he was thinking, really.
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27 February 2008
40,000
26 February 2008
Sensitivity training
How does this happen?
All of the hits came from google image searches for thongs, and on page 97 or so of the search this disgusting photoshop, excecuted by me, appeared
How does this google thing work?
Why did the hits stop?
Are all the perverts now satisfied?
Comments:
yeah, I'll get from 75 to 100 google hits a day..some of them kind of wierd such as the ones looking for a 14 year old Indian Virgin.
I wrote a post when I first started on how to cook AmberJack..I get three or four googles a day on it alone. I have one today on liberalism vs conservatism and another on the belly rub..Texas Two step.
But they all count the same on the site meter and helps that 300 plus average..not that it makes a damn..it all pays the same..NADA..NADA gotdam penny.
GUYK Homepage 02.27.08 - 12:26 am #
I think these Google Searches keep blogs alive. I simply wrote about a nice lime-vanilla custard that I made a few weeks ago, and now I've got "pour custard in my panties" on my search word list!
People are really hungry...
Bonita Homepage 02.26.08 - 6:38 pm #
24 February 2008
Very funny
Carefull with those teeth girl.No, Kees is not becoming a political blog, but this was to funny to pass up.
Found this here
Crocs taking a bath
Or: Croc's taking a bath.
How do you solve the catastrophe in the heading?
The Cat's Mother scrubs everything.
And, yes they are all hers, with two pairs not here.
Comments:
Ya, those crocs are somethin else. My wife and I just went to vegas last week and she bought a pair at the airport here in Houston. She wore them the first day and by bed time that night in Vegas, she had bad blisters across the top of her feet. They are comfortable (so I hear) but im sure that you need to break them in before they become that way.
Dad of the Doodsters Homepage 02.26.08 - 4:27 am #
I can understand this. Between my wife and 16 year old daughter, I can sure understand. Try finding anything in their closet other than shoes not happening.
By the way thanks for stoping by my little blog.
Old Soldier Homepage 02.24.08 - 8:31 pm #
23 February 2008
Babes in the woods 2
If you think I am a lying dick, click on the header.
or you can go and see one of my better photoshops here.
The now exticnt Chikie, our own porn queen said.
I think she should post it like that on her blog!!
Chickie Homepage 03.26.07 - 2:35 am #
This whole post is to say to Maeve, sorry girl, for taking you out of context, OK.
You love Puddi'n and your Eyetie, and I love you (with the Cat's Mothers consent)
I photoshoped this.
From this.
Very clever, doncha t'ink, or is that an astropophy to many?
Adapt or die - Lion stalking a giraffe
Caption it
My caption.As he was told Rex put up a blind at the first "deer sign"and waited.
This shite came about because I found the piccie below and thought that I can do better, but the crappy small photographs that Rex puts up at his blog is impossible to work with.
Ah well, blame anything except my shitty photoshop skills.
In Namibia I shot a kudu on the "langplaas" (longfarm = road) and my buddy and me broke off a Kudu Crossing sign and another road sign to use as levers to load the kudu onto the back of my van. We were clever enough to destroy the signs and not keep them as a mementos.
Kudu on the langplaas
Comments:
Shhh! You are giving away all my hunting secrets.
Rex Homepage 02.23.08 - 4:03 pm #
22 February 2008
Signs that work
Life ain't fair
Input
Output
Comments:
I always wondered where "shit bag" came from. I thought it was the little bags people walk 'round with while they're walkin' their dogs, but now, that, is an honest to got shitbag...
RedNeck Homepage 02.27.08 - 5:08 pm #
Two solutions
The Mostly Cajun crew working 500 miles from home.
In Africa we send in the experts.
Right and wrong
21 February 2008
The power of dreams
From the picture below I want you, my dear reader, to guess which of the two men are dreaming and what he is dreaming about. Your answers in the comments, please.
20 February 2008
I'm tired and lazy
19 February 2008
Fast thinkers
The last one is a worthy winner.
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.“What are my choices?” the man asked.“Yes or no,” she replied.
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.Without blinking an eyelid she said,“Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.”
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury’s but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.She asked a passing assistant, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”The assistant replied, ” I’m afraid not, they’re dead.”
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the bobby said.The kid replied, “Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.”When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.A sign came up that read ” Low Bridge Ahead.”Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.Cars are backed up for miles.Finally, a police car comes up.The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry’s cabAnd said to the driver,“Got stuck, eh?”The lorry driver said, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!”
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow’s final exam.“Now listen to me, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,“Well, I suppose you’d have to write with your other hand”.
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
Walking through the parking lot at Home Depot saw a guy working at his car door with a coat hanger. I asked, "Locked your keys in it, huh?" He never looked up as he said, "Nope, just washed it and I'm gonna hang it up to dry."
K-nine Homepage 02.19.08 - 11:49 pm #
Well as long as it brings a smile to your face
TristonJ Homepage 02.19.08 - 3:49 pm #
There should be a law
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
Hey! Look at the crazy people!
BobG Homepage 02.19.08 - 6:37 pm #
18 February 2008
Cartography
I like the hole idea, but why is it so dark here in Zambia all of a sudden?You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
So that's what caused the Great Rift Valley...
BobG Homepage 02.18.08 - 8:09 pm #
17 February 2008
Taken out of context
To end mindless meme's like "How many warts do you have on your dick/fanny" for evah and evah, amen.
Select as many bloggers as you like, qoute what they have written, out of context, at an imaginary Blogmeet.
Just act as if you are a major reporter from a major member of the Main Stream Media.
your own words to link the peeps should be highlighted.
0r do what you want to
Please start and close your "Overheard" by a quote from Acidman
The name of this meme is:
OVERHEARD
This one by KeesKennis. (your name here)
****************************************************
Acidman: Well, stupid is as stupid does.
Elisson: I know I tend to repeat myself; it’s an affectation of Advanced Age. But I’ve said it before but here is Fine Metallic Headgear at Bargain Prices! and all people should dress like this!
Mostly Cajun: Let me explain the facts to you, dear people
Eric: ".....Your cat only loves you because you are made of MEAT.... "and therefore only vegans van be trusted, all others should be given a "good punch in the noggin and a kick in the ribs)
(MuNu is Fucked up and this comes from the comments of the SWSloth in his post Meats..... and Lessons ....)
Maeve: I feel like a damn cat in heat right now, I'm so glad that Eric loves me, and I will fuck him six ways to Sunday. (a personal sorry to both Eric and and Maeve and the Eric Mrs.), but a mememe is a meme.
Erica: I take back everything nice I've ever said about you. You are HORRIBLE.
(MuNu is Fucked up and this comes from the comments of the SWSloth in his post Meats..... )
Vman: Fuck you. You abdicated your responsibility
Vman:I think my ..... fart had more soul
Erica: Just another dumb phase I was going through.
Guyk:Look, it really ain't none of my business
Hammer: If you want to do this one let me know and I'll go look at you
Twenty: Oh fuck (This took major reseach), about 00.14 seconds.
Bad Juju: A little secret...women love fireworks.
Acidman: "WHERE IN THE HELL HAVE YOU ASSHOLES BEEN?"
At this stage all of the bloggers went to to sleep in their rooms, or wherever bloggers go.
This meme calls for peeps that know their way about HTML's, URL's, Fuckwit's, Etc'teras and others, so let the brains be TAGGED or forgotten.
All the peeps on my blogroll is tagged.
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
Uh oh...a meme that actually requires some creative thinking. Now what do I do?
Elisson Homepage 02.18.08 - 1:24 pm #
OMG Keesie!
Maeve Homepage 02.18.08 - 9:26 am #
.
clever! I'll give it a shot
hammer Homepage 02.17.08 - 9:07 pm #
16 February 2008
A bus, a bullet or a lion has your name on it
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
Remember, you don't have to be faster than the lion, just faster than the slowest antelope.
K-Nine Homepage 02.16.08 - 6:43 pm #
15 February 2008
Let go man
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
Ouch. He probably should have taken that last lesson before he tried it at home...
Shit. That looks like me this whole entire week. Except he has better form.
Naked skiing
Remember this.Now add a dash of speed and remove some clothes and you get this.
Enjoy.
Also visit a beach scene.
And.
Snakes or nothing
14 February 2008
BARN ARMY SCOUT
I have accepted my commision and I am now a Scout in Rodgers Barn Army and after I recieved my uniform I posed for this official photo.I have never worn spurs before.
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
The dashing swashbuckler. Makes Errol Flynn look bad...
BobG Homepage 02.14.08 - 8:05 pm #
Lions
A youngster watching vultures and nibling on some ribsThis beautiful image from Silha
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
Can't decide if the lion is afraid the vulture will try to steal his ribs, or if he wants him to come down so he can have the vulture for dessert.
BobG Homepage 02.14.08 - 8:06 pm #
13 February 2008
The execution of Topsy
The Commercial Advertiser, New York, Monday, January 5, 1903.
BAD ELEPHANT KILLED.
Topsy Meets Quick and Painless Death at Coney Island.
Topsy, the ill-tempered Coney Island elephant, was put to death in Luna Park, Coney Island, yesterday afternoon. The execution was witnessed by 1,500 or more curious persons, who went down to the island to see the end of the huge beast, to whom they had fed peanuts and cakes in summers that are gone. In order to make Topsy's execution quick and sure 460 grams of cyanide of potassium were fed to her in carrots. Then a hawser was put around her neck and one end attached to a donkey engine and the other to a post. Next wooden sandals lined with copper were attached to her feet. These electrodes were connected by copper wire with the Edison electric light plant and a current of 6,600 volts was sent through her body. The big beast died without a trumpet or a groan.
Topsy was brought to this country twenty-eight years ago by the Forepaugh Circus, and has been exhibited throughout the United States. She was ten feet high and 19 feet 11 inches in length. Topsy developed a bad temper two years ago and killed two keepers in Texas. Last spring, when the Forepaugh show was in Brooklyn, J. F. Blount, a keeper, tried to feed a lighted cigarette to her. She picked him up with her trunk and dashed him to the ground, killing him instantly.
Here is the story of another elephant execution., her name was Thisty Mary.
And here another her name was Mary
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
Excuse me. It was 1916. Guess I was typing too fast.
Leeuna Foster Homepage 02.22.08 - 1:32 pm #
I live right in the very heart of Erwin. I write for the newspaper in Erwin. I remember my grandmother talking about the incident. I think this has been told so many times folks would be tired of it by now.
The reason that the elephant was "murdered" in Erwin was because we had the only railroad shops with a derrick that could lift the elephant up to hang it. It needed to be put down because it had gone on a killing rampage. There wasn't enough electrical current to electrocute her, no gun was powerful enough so the folks from KINGSPORT TN brought her to Erwin to be hanged. That was the only way. There was no elephant sanctuary at the time and no place to take her. It was in the year 1912 for God's sake!!!
We aren't blood-thirsty savages here. We aren't animal haters. I wish people would just get over it already!
There was a rash of elephant executions in the early 20th cent. here. Erwin isn't too far from me. The Snakehandlers I hang with all say that trestle near where Mary was hanged is haunted and you can see her hanging when the fog falls.
Rosie Homepage 02.19.08 - 10:25 am #
.... Johnson City is only about 1.5 hours north of me.... I should probably go up there and see the spot where Mary got hung.....
Eric Homepage 02.15.08 - 2:10 am #
Hell I would have been one pissed off elephant too.
hammer Homepage 02.13.08 - 9:38 pm #
IIRC, there was a big foofaraw about whether to use Edison's DC electricity or Westinghouse's AC to electrocute Topsy. Each Electrical Entrepreneur wanted the other guy's technology used, so he could advertise a "safer" form of power to his own customers.
Too bad about the cyanide. Belt-and-suspenders, I suppose. Without it, you would have had a lotta prime dog food, at least...and already cooked!
It's sad, you know. That last keeper ("Mr. Lighted Cigarette") only got what he deserved.
Elisson Homepage 02.13.08 - 6:13 pm #
12 February 2008
A ride is a ride
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
That's exactly what I was thinking, Hammer...
I can already see how the first lady is going to pay for her ride.
11 February 2008
A tennis oopsie
I guess she's trying to distract her opponent?hammer Homepage 02.11.08 - 5:24 pm #
Diet coke ad
Well all I can say is that if you whant to get thin, is that you should shit more, not less. 10 February 2008
Sweethings Birthday Present
So he traded in all of that and bought this new vehicle and offerred it to Sweething as a birthday present.
After fitting half of the Double Wide, all he has to do now is to fit a couple of fighting chairs.
And of course put up a post for Miss Sassie and her Little Sister and get a floating trailer to take all his shit.
The picture above shows in random order, the Red Ram, the Jayco, Sweething, Miss Sassie Poodle, Don't Dammit, a bird feeder and a future anchor, (there is nothing to mow at sea). Shitting on your food
Dead elephant, vulture and jackal.You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
For some reason I keep thinking of litigation lawyers.
BobG Homepage 02.10.08 - 7:51 pm #
Exercise at the famous Christmas Place Plantation
You can take Kees out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of Kees
