30 April 2007
Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father SAT him down for a little fireside chat.
HE says "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said,here - try these on."
So she did and said, "these are too big, I can't wear them".
So I replied,"...exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try.
So on his honeymoon Jack takes offhis pants and says to Jill, "Here, try these on."
So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me."
So Jack says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, "Here, you try on mine."
So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants."
So Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your ridiculous attitude, you never will.".
Comments:. LOL! Aint it the truth!hammer Homepage 04.30.07 - 9:01 pm #
You've got that right! LOL
LeeAnn 04.30.07 - 5:54 pm #
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.30.07 - 5:17 pm #
28 April 2007
Of electric fences.
The above photo has effall to do with electric fences.
She is a chickie that got caught driving drunk, check Smoking Gun.
It is very much like the news on any TV outlet that my little package ($100, no choice) let me see.
Our life, has/have gotten away from us.
20 years ago I was fighting communism and I knew where I were at all times.
Tonight I watched the JKS (Japan Karate Shokokai), or something like that, and one youngster hit his opponent on the nose by accident, I mean, by god, they were fighting, and was expelled in disgrace.
I remembered, with glee, the years where Piet Fourie and myself would wait outside the dojo where the local karate classes were held, and nobody came out, because they were afraid of us.
That was mean.
and a lot of other negative shit.
We are soooo sensitive today that a father can spend jail time because a teacher mentions that his son/daughter is sexually SENSITIVE, you know, like, I mean.
I call bullshit.
The present American political discourse, that is parting ways in more ways than one is a case in point.
Good manners is essential as is demonstrated here
. (Not Safe for Humans) ( just scroll down)
The above linkage shows a Chinese woman executed with a shot to the back of the head.
As a whole, how far have we come down the line of the sanctity of life?
Not very far.
Specific sections, IE. the western Christians, Jewish, Hindi and Buddhist, and some others, and mostly western non believers (atheist or others), have embraced that.
We have scored no points.
The hard core religious fucks are out killing and out convincing us peaceniks.
This Kees have lived with enough hardcore Muslims and other fucks to know when to call halt and call out the dogs of war.
However I believe we can live through the Muslim rage, cos we actually have a superior killing ratio, and will subdue them in the end. (hope above all hopes).
The Chinese (read communist) will drown us in pure numbers unless we start fighting now, prepare to push @%^& for English.
Hope you all sleep well.
Kees dear, is that Sanjay's mother? Oh. Maybe you don't get American Idol way over there...
My hair looked just like that when I woke up this morning, for some reason I dreamed my dog was chasing me around the house with a giant dildo in its' mouth.
26 April 2007
Get your doggy a bone
uh, Who's the good boy? He looks like he been caught with this thing before.
holder Homepage 04.27.07 - 5:28 am #
He probably smelled "mommy" on that thing...ewwwww
Chickie Homepage 04.27.07 - 3:25 am #
Something smells a bit "fishy" 'round here... HEre boy! Go fetch your toy!
ralphd00d Homepage 04.26.07 - 8:56 pm #
Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Giving the dog a bone".
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.26.07 - 7:26 pm #
I guess the dog wants to play...
Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her doggie a bone, when she bent over rover drover, for he had a bone of his own.
One square - Is it possible
Take one square of toilet paper.
Carefully fold it in quarters.
Then on the inside corner (not edges, please), tear out a little finger nail sized piece of the square and carefully save it.
Open the square, and insert your middle finger in the hole, which is now in the center of the toilet paper square.
Proceed to wipe yourself, using your middle finger.
Then, folding the sheet of toilet paper about your middle finger, cleanse your middle finger and throw away the used sheet.
Now, take the thumb-nail sized piece of paper torn out and saved. Use the intact corner to cleanse under your middle finger nail.
Sheryl Crow take note.
I was looking for this joke on the internets and found it at Sixth Column
, so I didn't have to translate and type it myself.
So I suppose a crime like making a TP fountain is a capital offence nowadays.
Why, it appears that you have been reading "Ask Mr. Debonair" again!
I was told that 'trick' years ago by a guy who'd been in the army. It never really appealed to me to do it tho, so I'll sommer keep on polluting the planet!
25 April 2007
Climbing trees takes more than power my friend.
Maybe this guy should have gone to Stu
for lessons..Comments:.OK man, that deserves an extra flying lesson Which I'll blog on friday, OK?Stu Savory Homepage 05.02.07 - 9:59 pm # .Da plane, Da plane!MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.25.07 - 9:50 pm #
Great photo....made me laugh.LeeAnn 04.25.07 - 9:28 pm #
Fire the cox
Playing somewhere near you soon.
Comments:.These are our 'non-documented' workers at their best! No wonder so many want them here. Awesome!JR Homepage 04.25.07 - 1:38 pm #
24 April 2007
Who thinks up stuff like this? - Wednesdays
Vacancy - Crocodile feeder
The last guy we had (picture above) was good but too slow.
I believe Jim
might be interested.
On the contrary, I think it'd be a safe bet that he'd violently crap his bloomers if he saw that.
Omg...that pic reminds me of the saying:"busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest"I know...I'm bad...shame on Goldbloom!
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.24.07 - 4:35 pm #
Good grief! The Government couldn't print enough money for me to take that gig. Some day there'll be a You Tube not of that guy serving lunch, but him serving *AS* lunch.
23 April 2007
Photoshop for Blob
That time of the week at Cowboy Blob
The sharpshooting Cowboy gave us this.
I thought that the picture was not militaristic enough so I added some big ass weapons.
BTW can somebody identify the tank for me please.
Awesome! Where do I sign up?
Light Tank M3A3 (Stuart V) 1941
hammer Homepage 04.23.07 - 11:26 am #
GUYK Homepage 04.23.07 - 4:28 pm #
Well, that's the first decent excuse for a pink gun I've ever seen.
BobG Homepage 04.23.07 - 6:26 pm #
Ahhh! women love a man in Camo!
Rex Homepage 04.24.07 - 2:33 am #
21 April 2007
I was instructed by MrsJoseGoldbloom
to educate everybody about octopi.
And if you can show me a living person that has ignored a instruction from her, I'll look like a baboon.
As I am a land based animal I had to swot up some facts about octopi.
They don't fly very well.
They have 8 legs. But I have never seen one climb a tree as good as me.
The rumour that rumoured that a date with Kees is like a petting session with a octopus, was started by jealous male rivals and is entirely wrong.
Stupid assholes did not know the word, octopi.
They come in all sizes from 6 inches to plenty feet.
They mostly start off as bite size snacks.
The also make money by posing for statues that are then made into yewelry.
I aquired a pair, but I dont think they suit me.
I don't think they have enough brains to tame as household pets.
You should try this, it makes you brave. (see French - Ed)
Now download this and colour it in (do not cross the lines) and send it to Goldbloom.
LOL Kees. Well there you have it, all the things one could possibly want to know about octopi. Once again Kees you have succeeded in educating us who are naive to the ways of the animal kingdom. By the way I thought the earrings looked quite lovely on you. [hehehe] I think I'll skip the tasty morsel though, for some reason my stomach is all queasy...now if you'll excuse me I think I have to hurl.
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.21.07 - 7:32 pm #
I use octopus in sea food gumbos..not bad eating
GUYK Homepage 04.22.07 - 3:14 am #
oh, I forgot to add..best cut them up before you pitch them in the gumbo pot..they will crawl out otherwise..
GUYK Homepage 04.22.07 - 3:14 am #
They'll Crawl out??? EWWWWWW! Okay now I'm definitely going to hurl.
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.22.07 - 5:33 pm #
I like octopus in gumbo also.
BobG Homepage 04.22.07 - 8:01 pm #
The earrings...only you, Kees could carry them off with such... panache.by the way... the one with the balloons? that's what it looks like when they lay eggs. 'course, they then hide themselves in caves and die..but one can't have everything.
Nancy Homepage 04.23.07 - 3:02 am #
On my honeymoon in Mexico my wife ate an octopus pot pie with tentacles hanging out of the crust. I almost puked.I wouldn't kiss her till she brushed the suckers out of her teeth
hammer Homepage 04.22.07 - 11:40 pm #
It is the season for the race to aquire Lord Stanley's Cup in the hockey world. Rabid Detroit fans smuggle in dead octopi to throw on the ice to show their support.
Maeve Homepage 04.24.07 - 2:59 am #
Friday Ark is a free service where you can pimp your blog.
The Modulator is not a robot and he spends time breathing in between Fridays.
So all you animal lovers, go over there and pay your dues.
One question remains:
Why did Noah not drown the flies in his coffee?
20 April 2007
Miss Sassie Poodle is upset
Because for his upcoming absence, Guyk
has installed the latest, highest technology Redneck burgler alarm as depicted above.
Can't say that I blame her.
Yeah and every damn one of them has aids GUYK Homepage 04.21.07 - 1:58 pm #
Hey! Get those hounds off my car!
Kees handling stress.
Not very well it seems.
I love Africa, but sometimes the endless, mindless, never ending bureaucracy takes it toll, and some deeeeeep soul searching takes place.
The normal stress of a management position in a big corporation adds to that.
On the other hand the bush is breaking out in a frenzy of yellow flowers and that soothes the tormented soul down to sub boiling temperatures again.
Yellow, yellow everywhere.
And with the promise of a tree orchid fest on it's way, I come down to room temperature again.
Got spare time?
Then do this, but show the aerodynamics in more detail, please.
Have you ever felt .....
.... like you have been effed over by a bear. Me neither.
All this time devoted to bullshit, I just don't get it.
Brother Bear was too soft, cousin bear was too short, Papa Bear was Just FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!!
The splinters must be awful.
I'm glad none of the bears around here look like that...
19 April 2007
Faces from elsewhere
Nice lips you've got there youngster.
Maybe not as nice as this youngster, but still nice.
The top photos are of a baby ray and I got the piccies from here and here.
The "eyes" are his nostrils or something, the real eyes are on the other side.
Them baby rays are bait stealers and can't hurt you with that stinger
GUYK Homepage 04.20.07 - 3:23 pm #
Awwww...Lil Ray Ray is adorable!
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.19.07 - 3:52 pm #
Reminds me of a girl I knew in high school.
BobG Homepage 04.20.07 - 1:20 am #
Those are neat pictures; I've never seen a "baby ray".
Chickie Homepage 04.19.07 - 11:35 pm #
Must get fit - 2
Stretching is for the birds
Here Silha caught a Great cormorant during his/her morning routine.
Swan Lake by Shacky shows you the elegant way to do neck stretches.
I and the bird is up and running at Bell Tower Birding.
He alleges that my picture on this post was rejected by CuteOverload, Bhaw ha haaa.
Go and read the whole post and look at all the entries. It is really worth your time.
18 April 2007
Some bloggers are planning ....
This picture was taken at the last one.
What can I say?
I thought it looked like Cat, too.
Chickie Homepage 04.19.07 - 11:36 pm #
Maeve Homepage 04.19.07 - 2:41 am #
great, a picture of my family reunion.
Rex Homepage 04.18.07 - 7:25 pm #
Who's in the bush?
LeeAnn 04.18.07 - 7:05 pm #
The only thing scarier than a crazy-looking guy with his finger on the trigger of a rifle is a naked crazy-looking guy with his finger on the trigger of a rifle. It makes me worry what he's going to do to you after he shoots you...This one needs a caption contest, badly.
BobG Homepage 04.18.07 - 6:57 pm #.
That is the strangest lawn gnome I have ever seen.
hammer Homepage 04.18.07 - 4:58 pm #
I wish .....
.. I had the followup shot.
I wish you did too. That's a funny photo.
LeeAnn 04.18.07 - 7:04 pm #
I love shit like that...heh...especially when I'm one of the guys on top of the building
17 April 2007
One lap around the sun 17 April 06 to 17 April 07
KeesKennis is one year old.
I have enjoyed every moment.
810 posts, mostly crap, but enjoyable crap.
That is almost 2.2 posts per day. On my most manic day I managed 8 posts.
The biggest applause is reserved for my readers.
You all commented 1,731 times and that made Keesie very happy.
That is 2.1 comments per post or almost 5 comments per day.
I have truly been spoilt.
Thank you all.
FIRST AND LAST COMMENTS OF THE YEAR
My first comment ever, on this
post (it was my 10th post):
posted by Velociman
: Sunday, April 23, 2006 4:19:00 AM
My last comment in my first year on this
Holy crap! Keesie, you look like the gay dude in Papillon!
And I mean that with all my heart.
04.17.07 - 5:30 am #
You judge for yourself.
Oh, and I have to say that, my Ghost Writers
posted 5 times and garnered 18 comments, otherwise one of them is sure to remind me, oy
I had 24,019 hits in this period. @20,000 came from websites and 4000 came from search engines.
Well, well..I am happy to see you have joined those of us who are so full of shit we manage to keep a blog going for at least a year! I am working on two years..Acidman told me that to be successful bloggin you had to be full of shit..I think he was right.
Rob also allowed that there were three kinds of bloggers..linkers, thinkers, and stinkers and the most successful did all three every day. I just have that problem with thinking..
KK: Thanks Guyk, I like being full of shit and Rob was right. I hope you don't run out of shit soon.
Happy blogoversry and thank you for all the enjoyable crap
KK: Thanks Hammer, and thank you for some delightful comments on this blog.
From the top of my head I remember this one here
Happy Blogoversary Keesie!I love your site, and you're very entertaining to us here in the nut-house. Keep doin what you do.
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.17.07 - 4:38 pm #
KK: Ta Missus Goldbloom. And thanks for your LOL comments.
I see that Tony
awarded you first prize here
, that will be my first comment for the new year
A very happy one to you Keesie. Has it only been a year? Wow! I enjoy your pictures and your crap blogging. I'm just glad you don't put up photos of crap. Of course my favorite story will always be about the bible thumpers coming to your front door.
KK: Thanks Meave, you are a darling. And yes I like that story
as well. I can still see the look on those prissy miss's faces.
Happy Blogoversary Kees. You knock out some good stuff here & your pics are always a delight!
KK: Ta Jayne, I am glad that you found me, us expats gotta stick together, keep on commenting.
Congratulations; your blog has been a source of humor to lighten up my mornings for some time now. Hope to see many more of your posts with my morning coffee.
KK: Gee thanks BobG, I am glad that I did not start of by calling this a serious blog, it would have looked the same in any case.
Congrats, don't slow down now.
KK: Thanks Rex and thanks for all the interaction. "Slow down" se moer my maat.
If it hadn't been for Vman and his brake job, who knows when you and I would have finally met? So glad it happened now rather than later! Congrats on your first year... looking forward to many more fun posts.
KK: It has been my pleasure ma'am and thanks for visiting.
.Glad to see you made a year. I'm looking forward to another year of not knowing what to expect when I come by for a visit. MC
KK: Thanks MC and please keep on visiting and commenting.
Happy Blogiversary Keesie baby. Hugs & kisses from Canada!
KK: Thanks Chickie, you are such a dear.
Just Damn! A whole year! Hardly seems like it's been that long...I've gotta hand it to you, Keesie - you have a unique site with a unique point of view to go along with it. And you take such pleasure interacting with us, your demented commenters and readers. I owe V-Man a thank-you for bringing this strange, strange place to my attention. May you enjoy the next year of squeezing out those Word-'n'-Piccie Squizzots as much as the first one.
KK: Thanks you so much Elisson. Yes it feels like I found the right spot amongst the crazies. And thank you for making me feel welcome.
Congrats on the year! I love the pics and stories Kees - keep it goin'!!!
KK: Ta Ralphood, keep on comming back and leaving prints in the sand.
Happy Blogday! And keep them pictures a'comin'! Most importantly, have fun.
KK: Thanks Nancy and welcome to this madman's paradise. Yes I will have fun.
I look forward to many more postings. Happy anniversary.
LeeAnn 04.17.07 - 7:12 pm #
KK: Thank you LeeAnn and thank you so much for your witty and funny comments
Happy Blogiversary Kees! I love coming here to see your beautiful pictures. You make me laugh too. My favorite posts of yours are in regards to your lovely family. Keep up the good work!
KK: Thanks for the kind words Cindi, I do love my bunch.
Keesie, bubele...a year? It hardly feels like two weeks. Giving you mazel tov smoochies, and best wishes for many more blogiversaries in your future.
KK: Thanks for the wishes and thanks for your comment and visits.
.. you, sir, are a one of a kind.... keep on truckin'...
KK: Thanks Eric, you guys made me feel welcome.
Sorry I'm so late, but congratulations!! Happy blogiversary!
KK: Thanks Mrss. Who.
16 April 2007
Two 90-year-old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him everyday.
One day, Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor. When you get to Heaven, somehow, you must let me know if there's baseball there."
Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed," Moe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.At midnight, a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him," Moe. Moe.""
Who is it"? asks Moe, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it"?"
Moe, it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you"?
"In Heaven," replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.
"The good news," Joe says "is that there's baseball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always Spring time and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play baseball all we want and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Moe. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So, what's the bad news"?
"You're pitching Tuesday."
14 April 2007
The letter C
C amels from C hickie
in another life.
C ock fights
Brits, what is left?
gave us this to go and Photoshop or comment on.
With my close links to animals I produced this.
Politics does not play a role.
Don't ask permission, they just do.
Must get fit
One of his commenters asked: Do birds sweat?
13 April 2007
Gorilla numbers dwindling
This popular sport is called CrocBall.
I think the crocs are cheating.
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.13.07 - 6:47 pm #
12 April 2007
See the compassion
This beuatifull piccie was sent to me by a reader.
LOL Goldbloom. Do I have something in my teeth. You win that caption contest in my book!
Mmmm...Owl McNuggets. What? No dipping sauce?
04.17.07 - 1:18 am #
Taste like chicken.
04.14.07 - 6:54 pm #
WTF you mean I gotta pray before I eat?
A small snack before dinner. Nice photo.
LeeAnn 04.13.07 - 2:28 am #
Excuse me...Do I have something in my teeth?
MrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.12.07 - 6:34 pm #
11 April 2007
... that last picture is beautiful on so very many levels.....
Eric Homepage 04.12.07 - 4:34 pm #
You find the best LOL photos.
LeeAnn 04.11.07 - 8:48 pm #
Looks like a party
10 April 2007
I'm sure everyone was thrilled to bits.Comments:--Christmas Cards! BRILLIANT!!! Gotta run, gotta get in touch with hallmark and get them to put words to it. Or, email them to me, I'll post it with the best!! lol, Hope you don't mind me horning in Kees?DaD Homepage 04.14.07 - 9:52 pm # --Now let me see,,, whaere are the beach balls?DaD Homepage 04.13.07 - 6:03 am # --Omg...that is hilarious!Cindi Homepage 04.11.07 - 11:14 am # --Where are my golf cleats hammer Homepage 04.11.07 - 8:35 am #
--Keesie, are you sun bathing nekkid again? The Cat's mother is not going to be happy with you!Maeve Homepage 04.11.07 - 6:51 am #
He's a happy little fellow isn't he?holder Homepage 04.11.07 - 3:01 am #
Oh my goodness...if I were equipped, thusly, as that man hanging out in the background, I'd apply some sun-block to that/those thing[s].Erica Homepage 04.11.07 - 1:26 am #
PS a thong? Heck, I am trying to figure out what strength SPF I would need to keep my whiteys from broiling! Never could understand the concept.ralphd00d Homepage 04.11.07 - 12:35 am #
Too funny!LeeAnn 04.10.07 - 6:50 pm #
MY GOD WHERE IS THAT BEACH LOCATED??? j/k LOLMrsJoseGoldbloom Homepage 04.10.07 - 6:41 pm #
LOL!You'd think somebody would have bothered to PS a thong on him or something before posting it on the Web. Not exactly the sort of thing you use for making your Christmas cards.BobG Homepage 04.10.07 - 6:27 pm #