DOCTOR: I've got some good news, and some bad news.
PATIENT: Let me have the bad news first.
DOCTOR: You're going to be dead in three days.
PATIENT: Dead in three days? What's the good news?
DOCTOR: I'm banging your wife.
PATIENT: You're having an affair with my wife?
DOCTOR: Banging. I wouldn't dignify it as "an affair."
PATIENT: Well then you're banging my wife! How is the hell is that remotely good news?!
DOCTOR: You've got bigger things to worry about. How I envy you your perspective.
PATIENT: ...
DOCTOR: Anal, too.